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  • Writer's pictureDedeStewart


Hi, welcome back tooo… Discussions with Dede!*cue applause track*. Thank you, you really shouldn't have! Nah, you should have and I am glad that you came back for my second official blog post! I just want to thank you all for reading my last blog post, it means so so much to me:) It's so crazy how a dream I had last year has now become a reality, and it is all thanks to all of you beautiful people! Don’t forget to give my Instagram page a follow so we can keep interacting. I have a lot of exciting content coming soon, so watch out for that:)Ok, back to our regularly scheduled program>>>>>

So, yesterday was washday *cue scary music*. Yeah, I know it's terrible. I know you guys think I’m probably being dramatic, yeah, so what if I am. I just can't be bothered with my hair, it's too much to deal with. I had a whole two- hour playlist that was on as I combed through my extremely coarse hair, water dripping down my face. Oh, and I hate water. I always hated water parks, too much water everywhere. Kids splashing their nasty pee water in my face, no thank you, I do not want rashes. Swimming also stresses me all the way out; not only can I not swim but my hair… the shrinkage, chile. When I was younger, we would wear swimming caps but water would still seep through the cap and my hair would shrink in seconds. My poor mother always got the brunt of it when she washed my hair in the tub. I HATE when there is water in my face, it absolutely stresses me out. To this day, I can not wash my hair in the shower, I feel like I am drowning and that's my worst fear. I also do not like how water makes your skin feel, like dumb crusty. My mother always would take us to classes at our local gym, and my skin would look so ashy after. It was embarrassing to have her rub lotion on me while the white kids looked and stared, but my skin would be thankful years later. The chlorine infested water would get in my nose, and don’t get me started on the bloody bandaids. It's nasty, and I do not see why people think that it's a fun activity to partake in.

Ok, glad I got that out of my system, it's been building up for a while. Back to yesterday; I literally only do the bare minimum on washday because I am a supperrrr lazy naturalista. I know that there are lazy naturals, but they still seem to do more than I do. My hair is 4c too, which is the thickest and coarsest texture. One day very soon, I'm looking to do a big chop, but I’m gonna wait for a little bit. The thing is, I want to cut all my hair off, but then I see a girl with long hair and that makes me want to grow it out. I love my hair, do not get me wrong, I just don’t like to be bothered by it. I never really had a phase where I hated my hair, I think I just never liked to have it out in its natural state for a long time. Even now, I only have it out for maybe a month max, but it always goes back into a protective style. But then, here is the thing about me and protective styles: I am very tender headed. It used to be unbearable when I was a kid. Nobody could even look at my hair without me crying. I hated having to sit down for hours and then being stuck with a heavy-handed braider who kept on pulling my hair. My mom tried for me, but she would have to do it quickly before I got antsy. I kid you not, I think I finally stopped crying when someone was doing my hair at like 9 or something.

Now, before you make fun of me, sitting down for hours at a time takes patience that I do not have. My mother would drop me off with these random (but nice) women at around 9 am and pick me up at 9 p.m. That's 12 hours of babies crying, loud news channels, and unfamiliar people. Don’t get me started on how I would arrive dumb early, and she wouldn’t start braiding until after she ate her food- which was like 3 hours later. I would dread going to do my hair, but I would love how it looks after… most times. There were a few times when the style did not come out exactly how I wanted it to, but what could I do? Make her take it out and stay there until tomorrow? Nah, I’m good.

I have been trying to learn how to do protective styles for my own hair and it's so difficult. I take pride in the fact that I can cornrow but that's all I can do right now. Using combs has always been a struggle, and I can never part straight when I try to do singles. For all the black girls who can't braid, please let us gather here and cry lol.

I know that people are pushing for more black women to go natural, but I see why people relax their hair. It is a lot easier to manage, you just wake up and boom, your hair is good to go. The natural community is not “toxic”, but they definitely have a lot of opinions. I think we should let people do what they want with their hair, emphasis on the “their’. It does not matter if you agree with what they are doing with their hair or not, it's not yours so don't worry about it. The natural hair community is not all bad though. They are a very solid community that is always down to help new naturals with tips or advice. I just have a problem with how many different steps there are. I feel like it's so overwhelming because there are like thousands of shampoos and conditioners but to see major hair growth, I feel like I have to only buy the ones that they use. It's also so expensive to be natural, my goodness it is madness! The YouTube videos make it so much worse with their “affordable” products that magically grow your hair after using it for only 2 weeks, like what! They say that there are multiple ways to be a natural, but I feel like my way is not working as fast. Idk though, but I think sometimes the products don't even work for them and they just make it seem like it does for their sponsorships. You ain't hear that from me though.

Texturism is also still a really big thing in the natural hair community. Black girls with 4c hair feel like they have to have their hair be so sleek and edges laid for their hair to be “presentable’’. I can’t even count how many times I have cried on the bus to school because the stupid EcoStyler Gel couldn’t lay my hair down like I wanted it to. It made me angry and I would be in a bad mood all day. Those YouTubers made it look so easy, with their loose curls and long hair. They would lay it in 5 minutes easy- no way that would work on my hair. At around 14, I was done with watching videos of girls who looked nothing like me; it made me feel terrible about myself. Around that time, I found a few 4c women who I started to look up to. Chizi Duru is my personal favorite because she is so relatable, and it doesn't hurt that she is also a Naija babe like me lol. Seeing a beautiful dark skin girl with the same texture as me restored my confidence and helped me to see my hair in a different light. I realized that I did not have loose curls, and that is ok. I have tight, coarse, thick, but beautiful hair and I love that for me. Representation is so important for black girls because we are not a monolith. We all look and act differently, so why should the topic of hair be any different? Products that work for me might not work for you, and vice versa, and that is ok. It does not make any of us more or less beautiful than the other.

I still very much have a love-hate relationship with my hair, but I am not afraid to hype myself up when it looks good. Now, I am talking to all the 4c girls, your hair is beautiful. You do not have to have loose curls to have “ good hair”. All hair is beautiful sis. Remember, just because your hair is coarse does not make it bad, it just needs a little extra love that's all:). Trust me, I do not have this down pat. I am learning to take my hair as it is, and enjoy whatever comes with that.

Again, thank you all for reading my second blog post. I really appreciate it! You guys don't understand how exciting this is, and I really can't wait to talk more with you guys. Remember to please follow my Instagram, so you can stay up to date whenever I post pictures and blogs. Wow, I feel like such an influencer lol. Ok much love, see you guys next time:)

A couple questions for the comments below : what’s your hair type(if you know) ? What's your relationship with your hair like? What’s your hair type? Who’s your favorite natural YouTuber?(if you have one). What’s your favorite natural hair products? Let's discuss!

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