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  • Writer's pictureDedeStewart

Relax sis!

Hi welcome, or for some, welcome back to Discussions with Dede! We are in March already, wow! I want to say a big thank you to all of you guys that attended my live! I really appreciate it, and I really enjoyed the conversation and hope we can go live again soon! I feel like this year is going to go by so fast, but don’t let me jinx it because y’all remember what we said about last year. All the college students, I feel like we need a support group because dang! I’m so stressed with classes and finals that I even think about it in my sleep. I’ll be taking a nap, and I’ll be stressing about homework as I am sleeping. This school business is madness, but it’ll be worth it when I get this degree! I am holding on to that so tightly because this college thing is so tiring. These professors are making it so difficult too with their annoying discussion posts and papers. The worst part about a discussion post is when they lock it so you have to type a response before you can see the others. Honestly, why do they do that? Sometimes, I just need to see if I’m doing the assignment correctly, I’m not copying. Ok, sometimes I do copy (never plagiarizing tho!) but that’s only because you give me 50 pages to read in one day. Mad ooo. I also hate when you have to reply to others, like what’s the point? My response is always like “Yes, Sarah I totally agree with what you said and how you said it. I like how you said what you said. Very nicely worded response!” My responses are trash, like I agree so why do I have to write words about? I think discussion posts should be about what resonated with you, and responding to others should be optional. Why would you want to make more work for yourselves with these discussion posts, you barely grade papers on time. Professors are trying sha, but some of them are just miserable right now and assigning unnecessary work that they will not grade. What’s my own tho? I am gonna graduate by force or by fire.

Ok so, I want to discuss self- love and self- care because the Lord knows we need that (if you could not tell from the previous rant). I feel like we are taking care of ourselves even less than we were before. Just because we are all at home does not mean you shouldn’t take care of yourself. Actually, it means you should do more for yourselves. We are all zoom’ed out and just exhausted. I know that for me I have never been this tired before, I’m always in my bed especially when I don’t have class. I’m just so tired and I struggle paying attention in my zoom classes.

I feel like I have been feeling really guilty for not doing my work. Wait, let me explain before you judge. I’m in college, obviously, so I get a lot of work many days out of the week. Sometimes instead of doing work, I watch some Netflix and do the work later. I feel guilty about it because I try not to procrastinate. I’ve never been much of a procrastinator, but it's not by choice this time, I just can’t seem to get myself to want to do anything. I have a problem; I have to get things done way beforehand. If I procrastinate, I will not get things done. There’s no way. People that can do the work the day it’s due do not fear anything. I always have to work ahead or else I’ll stress myself all the way out and not finish the assignment. I do not do well under pressure so if there was a way for me to plan everything I would.

So yeah, whenever I watch a show instead of doing homework I feel like I’m not spending my time well. Most of the time when I’m watching my shows, I’m thinking about the homework I’ve neglected.

I’ve been struggling with doing my work for the longest because of the quarantine. I can’t seem to focus and pay attention for long. I’m tiyaaaaddd like y’all don’t understand. We are living through a pandemic right now and we are still being bombarded with work. I feel like people should be more sympathetic (*cough* my professors *cough*) but you know whatever.

Ok, I have been talking a lot about my professors, but I’m stressed and overwhelmed with school so I need to complain. I have been trying to practice self-care even through all this craziness.

I’m going to give you guys a definition of self-care because everybody says “self-care”. What does self-care actually mean? Self-care is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health. I have been thinking about what this means to me, and I think it’s just putting your needs first. I have been practicing self- care by trying not to overwork and stress. When I’m done with class instead of rushing to do my homework, I chill or nap for an hour. Listen, the homework can also wait. Your mental health should always come first.

I also practice self-care by reading like I used to. I used to love reading as a child. I used to read at least 3 books a day, no lie. I would beg my mother to go to the library, and we would check out loads of books. Reading used to bring me so much happiness, because it was like a TV in my mind. Does that make sense? I have a very creative and descriptive imagination. I see the image that the author created with words in my head. I love reading because my mind goes to the place the author created, and the characters literally come to life. I want to be an author so bad, it sounds so fun to create stories for others to imagine. Reading has always been so comforting, but I’ve become too busy for it now. I’m trying to get back to it little by little, even if it means reading a few pages each night. I feel like social media has also ruined my attention span. When I was a kid, I used to read for at least 3 hours straight. Now, I can’t even read 3 pages without looking at my phone lol. I never even mean to do it, it’s just become a habit.

Speaking of social media, I have been trying to not be on it so much. I don’t think I’m obsessed with it, but I’m definitely on it a lot. Most times, I am just scrolling endlessly and I can be on it for at least 2 hours. I’m really just wasting my time when I could be reading, writing, or even sleeping. I also find that I feel so terrible after my hours of swiping on social media. I often compare myself to other women and feel really bad about myself after. I start to compare my looks, body, etc. to other women which is not good at all. I also start to feel like I should be doing more with my life, especially when I see people my age with good jobs and completing huge things that could take years to do. Social media teaches a lot of us that we have to have a good job, a family, and a house by 25. Like, no. In which life? We are still so young, and that’s completely unrealistic that we can do all of that at 25.

Also, whenever it’s meant to happen for you, it will. Don’t force it. Whether that is a job, a partner, a friendship- whatever! Whatever is meant for you, it will be yours. A delay is just a redirection. I am a strong believer in the saying “Everything happens for a reason”. It’s difficult to understand sometimes, trust me I know, but it will be good for you in the long run. I completely understand how difficult it is especially when you see your friends in relationships. Or with good jobs. Or even with kids. And you ask yourself, “When will it be my turn?” It’s hard to understand but your time will also come. Maybe you’re not mentally prepared for that right now, or something needs to happen before you can get that job. It’s just not your time yet, and that’s ok. The last thing you want is for it to be a bad experience or for you to have that thing you want and not know how to treat it/handle it. So, take this time to work on yourself so you can get ready when that time comes.

I also don’t like how social media makes me feel so insecure. Sometimes, after hours of scrolling I start to feel very self- conscious. I see one girl and I’m like “she’s prettier than me” or “she’s curvier than me”. Then, I start to feel bad about myself. I hate to break it to you, there’s always going to be someone that’s prettier, more talented, more famous than you. That’s the hard truth. But, there is one good thing about that. That means there’s no one like you. No two people are the same, so that’s what makes you unique. There’s only one you. In the words of P-square “No one be like you”. That song is being played at my wedding for sure. It reminds me of Old Nollywood movies, those movies are hilarious. They probably don’t even mean to be, but they just are. Sorry, back to the main topic about social media. I saw this quote somewhere and I loved it when I saw it. It said “The presence of one’s beauty is not the absence of your own.” I loved that because I would see a beautiful girl and think I was now ugly. No, because how does that make sense? She’s pretty, ok and so are you. We can both be pretty and I think more of us should understand that. I’m beautiful and so is she. Plus, my mother did not go through nine months of pain for me to be calling myself ugly. Next time you want to insult yourself, try saying those same insults to your parents. You wouldn't dare right? Because if you’re ugly, that means your parents are ugly too because they made you. So if you can’t say it to your parents, why would you dare say it to yourself? I’m definitely going to talk about this more in my self-love blog post.

Also, take those IG pics!! And post them, don’t just leave them in your camera roll. I feel like we all need to start dressing up again, even if you’re just going to take pics. That is definitely self-care; seeing yourself look good after a long time. I’ve also started to not care about who likes or doesn’t like my IG pics. Who cares? It’s my page? If you don’t like it, that’s on you. There used to be a time when I tracked when I should post so I could get maximum likes, but I had to realize it’s MY page. Why am I letting people still control that too? I’m posting whatever now, and if I want to post something insignificant on my IG story, I will.

Lastly, my favorite thing to do is write my feelings down. I love writing and that’s why I’m so grateful and thankful for this platform. I’ve always liked writing since I was a kid, I just wasn't sure what I liked to write. I recently wrote a short story about a young girl who is Nigerian- American and an aspiring musician. It talked about loving both cultures but not being fully accepted by either. I loved writing that because I could definitely relate to being caught between two worlds. Writing is definitely my release, it gives me an outlet to fully express myself. I’ve always wanted to be a story-teller and make up the narrative, so I’m so grateful to be doing that now.

Fun fact about me: I want to be a psychologist of course and/or an author/writer. However, my dream job is definitely to be a writer for TV shows like This Is Us. Idk, there’s just something about writing your own story. I love intricate story-lines and plots, and I hate when the characters are so surface level. Like no, I need complex characters and storylines. That’s definitely why I love This Is Us because it mirrors something that I could see myself writing in the future. Listen, I’m speaking it into existence: I will be a writer for a tv show. No dream is too big for God. I don’t like people who try to say things like “ Oh, that’s a little bit too ambitious, don't ya think?” Like huh, why would you say that to someone else? First of all, it’s none of your business. Second of all, my dreams are not too big, you just think too small. I’m not saying it’s bad to think small, but it’s also not bad to think big. You deserve to have people who encourage you to think big. Instead of people saying “That’s a little too ambitious” you should be around people who say “That’s all you got?”.

This one was a little long, but I’m just writing from the heart. I’m on this self-care journey with all of you, so I’m also writing to myself. I’m definitely going to be working on taking care of myself more. Remember, listen to your body. You have every right to be tired, we are literally in a pandemic! That's my excuse for everything, I just wish my professors would listen to me. I want you all to know I’m proud of you, even if all you did was wake up that’s an accomplishment fr fr. Take time for yourself, and don’t push yourself too hard. You got this!

Question for the comment section: What do you do for self-care?

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