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  • Writer's pictureDedeStewart


Hi, welcome or welcome back to Discussions with Dede! I have actually been putting off writing this post for the whole week, and I don’t know why. I feel like I have been reopening things from my past, and it becomes really painful when I try to write about it because it reminds me of what happened. But uhh yeah I want to talk about black women because that’s what I am and more attention needs to be brought to the way y’all treat us.

I was re-watching Are You the One a couple weeks back. I feel like I always start these with “I was watching…”, but yeah I was watching AYTO season 6. This season was definitely interesting but there was this one woman that stuck out to me. Her name is Jada; she’s from Jersey (yerrrrrr)and she was around 23 on the show, and I really look up to her. Jada is gorgeous, she has a nice body, nice personality… everything. The men on the show take notice of that, obviously, but nobody wants to really talk to her. It’s always “Jada has a nice body, but…” and so now I’m getting mad because Jada’s bad. All the men think she’s nice to admire but nobody wants to actually be with her. The part that made me the most upset was how they did her at the reunion. Just for some background knowledge, Jada liked this guy in the house named Clinton. Alright cool, that’s fine, but Clinton was in a “relationship’’ with Uche (even though they turned out to be a no-match). Jada respected what they had going on and she stepped back until they were a declared “no-match”. If you don’t know how the show goes, couples go into a truth booth to find out if they are a “perfect match” or not. In this case, Clinton and Uche were a declared NO-MATCH. So Jada pulled Clinton to the side to say that she likes him and they should get to know each other. Uche got mad and that’s when the drama at the reunion comes in. I’m gonna insert a clip at the bottom of this paragraph so you can form your own opinion but this part got me tight. They are all on stage talking about what went down on the show. I didn’t really care until Clinton started to disrespect Jada. First of all, Jada’s actual “match” was so useless oml like he didn’t even try to defend her! He just sat there laughing, so that was problem #1. Clinton started to call Jada a “fool” and say that he didn’t want her like that and she had a nice butt but that's all.

I have several problems with what happened:

1)Uche saw her “man” disrespecting another BLACK woman and did absolutely nothing. She just sat there. I don't care what anybody says, I am my sister’s keeper, especially for black women. We are already looked down upon by so many people, including those in our community. You saw her being disrespected and laughed and you did nothing. Nah you’re mad weird for that idc.

2)Clinton, you’re not a man. A real man would never sit there and disrespect a woman like that. You called her out her name, laughed at her, and made her look stupid, for what? And then he sat there and called Uche a classy woman and put down Jada. I can’t stand men that use their words to divide women and only uplift those they are attracted to, the girls that obey them like they’re God or something. He was just mad that Jada called him out on his stuff, so he thought that demeaning her would “put in her place”. Sickening. I think what made me so heated was that he was talking to her like she was a dude. He stepped to her like he would a man, and that made me so mad. I truly believe he NEVER would have talked to the white woman or latinas like that, or even a lighter skin woman.

3) Not one of her cast members even tried to defend her or speak on her behalf. She was insulted, belittled, and called names and nobody thought to say anything. In the house, she would comfort literally every girl that was crying, and she fought for everyone in the house. When it was her turn, no one did that. They sat there and laughed like she was a clown.

(start at 10:50 or #3 for reference and give me your honest opinions in the comments)

Black women, especially dark skin women, are always masculinized and treated like men. No one stands up for us and everyone always says “she got this.” But what if I don’t? It would be nice for people to defend us and speak up for us. For people to just treat us like women. Is that too much to ask for? Sometimes we want to be loved on and carried, not have to be strong all the dang time. We don’t choose to be strong, y’all don’t give us any other choice. My heart literally broke when Jada started crying, because I feel like we’ve all been there before. The people that were supposed to be her friends were laughing at her, and she felt all alone on that stage. I wonder why dark skin black women's tears don’t evoke the same emotions that a white woman’s would. If a white or a lighter-skinned woman was crying on that stage, you know that someone would be there patting her shoulder or giving her a tissue. When Jada cried, literally no one batted an eye. We have feelings and emotions just like anybody else. It’s not only anger that we feel, we can also feel sadness, and a range of other complex emotions. I hate that people always say “black women are angry”, but y’all don’t see that sadness that comes before that. Anger is sometimes our last resort in order for people to hear us because y’all don’t be listening to our cries.

That reunion made me so angry because it’s the story of black women. Someone is always trying to “humble’’ us or “put us in our place.” Because we’re confident and know who we are? They literally do that to Beyonce everytime; always trying to humble her like she’s not the greatest performer of her time. Same thing with Simone Biles! Half of y’all can barely do a simple tumble let alone the Yurchenko half-on with two twists aka the “Biles”. Sis has a whole move named after her and they still disrespect her! The worst part is that sometimes, the worst disrespect can come from our own people.

Black men I love y’all but sometimes you get on my nerves. Some of y’all only defend and respect the black women you know. And black men, you should know that your voice carries a lot of power and if you stick up for us once in a while people will believe us. Look what happened to Nicki. How is Quavo going to start the drama and then say “ I would only defend you if you were my girl?” Likeeee, you already inserted yourself in this and now you’re backing out because of your sorry “reputation.” It really blows me, but hey she’s way more successful than he will ever be.

Also, y'all did not defend Megan the Stallion enough for me. To this day, I will never understand that some black men were mad at her for “snitching” on he-who-will-not-be-named. Y’all be treating her like a dude, I swear, just because she’s tall and dark skinned. Y’all would have NEVER told freaking Coi Leray to not snitch if she was shot, but people were telling Megan not to? Even after she said her piece, y’all laughed at her and made memes about her. It was not taken seriously, and people wonder why we scream and yell because that’s the only way we are taken seriously. I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but we feel pain too ya know. Just because we don’t cry and complain doesn’t mean we are immune to pain or whatever. We are literal human beings and we deserve to be treated as such.

If I don’t close now, I’m not going to stop. My closing statement: protect black women, those who you know and those you don’t. If you see a black woman in public being mistreated, step in if it’s safe to do so or at least try to find a way to help. Black women are mistreated publicly, but people never stop to help because they believe we are strong enough to defend ourselves. The verbal stuff also hurts. Speak up when your friends are calling a black woman a hoe or something like that in front of you. Instead of not saying anything, speak up for her even if you don’t know her because it is your business whether you like it or not. When your friends are saying colorist things about dark skin women, speak up. Start speaking up like I don’t know how else to say it. I’m tired of this “It’s not my business. I’m not her man.” You don’t have to be with someone to speak up for them and treat them like a human being. Black women continue speaking up for each other and being there for one another. Black women are beautiful, but let me refocus.

(fyi, I don't agree with alot of what this man says and what he stands for, but black women are beautiful so)

Cashapp a black woman today to show her that you appreciate her.

Ok, see you next time!

Question for the comments; what was your opinion on what went down at the reunion?

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