New Year, Same Me
Hi everybody!!! Welcome to my first blog post, I am super excited to start this journey with all of you, so welcome tooo… Discussions with Dede!
I decided to do a blog for people like me; people who have a lot to say but do not quite know how to articulate it. I want to take you on a journey with me so that we can learn from each other. I am writing for women like me, who are still trying to find themselves but are confident in who they are and will become. I am writing for black girls who need a safe place to hear my experiences and share their own. But most of all, I am writing for myself to show that I can accomplish anything, and that this is just the beginning.
I have a lot of ideas for this page, from first-generation struggles to “This Is Us” rants to my experiences as a college student during a pandemic, and all things in-between. I hope to have very insightful conversations about everything under the sun, and what we can do to support each other as a community. There will be some friendly debates like Davido vs. Burna Boy (for all my OBO stans: Tule jor!), but also some rants about why I do not like to deal with my hair. I hope to talk about all of these topics with you all, so please stay tuned.
Before we get to the good stuff, allow me to introduce myself lol! Heyyyy, I am Dede, which is short for Osamede. My full name means “ God is greater than the crown” and I absolutely love the meaning. I think my name is beautiful because God is greater than any earthly possession, no crown comes close to His power. Dede is pretty cute too though. My late paternal grandmother gave me the middle name Ifueko which means “ peaceful” and I believe it describes me pretty well… sometimes. I am a very proud Nigerian- American and an even prouder “Bini Babe”. I am nineteen years old and I am a sophomore in college. I enjoy reading and writing (obviously) but I love binging shows like the Challenge, Are you the One, Real Housewives of Potomac, e. My all-time favorite shows are This is Us, Jane the Virgin, and A Different World, and I will disclose why in a different blog post sometime in the future. I have three pretty cool sisters but you will learn more about us as we continue in this journey together.
This blog has been a long time coming, and to be honest, I have been very fearful in starting this page. I have always been a very private person who fears big crowds and the public in general. I am pretty shy but I have a lot of stuff to say. I realized that one of my goals for 2021 would be to do the things that scare me and writing for others to view can be very scary. I thought about starting my own podcast, but I have never been big on talking. So, I thought a blog page would be more my speed because no one can be distracted by my voice, they can only read my thoughts.
I have been very wary of creating goals for 2021. 2020 was… rough to say the least. I fear that 2021 is going to be 2020 part 2, so I am just waiting for things to go wrong. Obviously, that is not the right attitude, but you get what I am saying. I am working on changing my perspective, and not always looking for the worst-case scenario. Some people say they are a “glass half full” kind of person which means that they are an optimist. Others are a “glass half empty’’ person which means they are a pessimist. I always say I am a “the glass is just halfway … period’’ so I guess I am a realist. Both of the statements means the same thing, because the glass is still just… half. To be honest, everyone needs a bit of both: optimism and pessimism. Both perspectives are needed for a balanced outlook on life.
I can be a lot more of a pessimist most times. I always think of the worst thing that could happen even for the smallest issues. I have been trying to change the way I respond to issues because that is ultimately the way I see the world. I am working on being a bit more optimistic about life, but I have a lot of work to do to recondition my brain to see the bright side of things and not always just the negative aspect of the issue. However, being the realist I am, I decided to write down some general goals to guide me through the new year. One of those goals is to call people more, and this goal has been very scary, to say the least. I have something that I like to call “phone anxiety’’. I am so scared to call people, especially FaceTime. I think it is because I hate that I am lowkey awkward on the phone. I rarely, if ever, FaceTime people, unless I am very comfortable talking to them. If you know me, you know that you need to make an appointment with me so I can get mentally prepared. FaceTime dead feels like a chore to me, so I just never do it. I used to be okay with avoiding calls, but as I continue to grow, I am learning that I can not continue to maintain friendships through just texts.
People want to talk to each other now more than ever, and people need that community they can go to when in need. So when I dodge phone calls, I am depriving myself of the one thing I so desperately need: community. In addition, most of my friends are across the country and the only time we can talk is by phone obviously because of the pandemonium. ( sorry it's a TikTok joke). I have been using exposure therapy to reassure myself that facetime calls are not as bad as I think. I do this by just pressing the facetime button and not allowing myself to think of all the things that can go wrong or the awkward silence that could happen on the call. Once I stop thinking about how “bad” it is going to be, I allow myself to enjoy the conversation. A lot of my anxiety comes from the fear of the unknown, and the possibility of it going left quickly. I have to understand that I have nothing to lose. If it's bad, so what? Are they going to beat me? ( the answer is no btw). I have to stop overthinking things and just go with the flow. This is definitely not something that is going to happen overnight, so do not be mad if I still do not facetime you! Be patient with me though, because I will get there one day.
My last goal for 2021 would be practicing patience with myself and others. I used to think that I was patient, but I have learned that is not a skill that I naturally have. I like everything to come quickly; skills, information, success, etc. but life does not work that way. I always get mad when I do not know something or have trouble with something, and I get so frustrated with myself. I have to understand that just because I am not good at the skill now does not mean I will not be one day in the near future. I have been practicing patience by talking to those thoughts as they come. For example, if I get a thought that says “ I did not get any of the material we just did in class. I am so dumb” I will rebuttal by saying “ You did not get the material right now, so come back to it later after a few minutes’’ or, “ maybe I need to re-read my lecture notes before the next class to understand it better.” See the difference? I am not saying it is easy, it is just about being conscious of my thoughts and responding to them before I start believing them. Nothing comes easy without hard work, and that is what I have become aware of. Deep breaths also do the job, so when I start to get too stressed I take a step back and breathe for however long I need to. Be patient with yourselves, it's hard out here.
Like I said in the beginning, this blog is for anyone who can relate. I want to write to the introverted black girls who felt weird for being quiet, or to the sensitive black girls, or to people who might not even be black! I am writing for and to you, yeah you!
That's pretty much it, so thank you so much for reading all of this if you got this far! I am super excited about this journey that we are all on together! I have some interesting ideas to write about so I'll keep them coming. I should have my Instagram page up soon too if you want to give it a follow. That's all for now, see you next time:)